Jews for Jiha...I mean...

CEO #1. Can't say I know a whole heckuva lot about the dude because he is never in the office. He is meant to be sailing the marketing seas, reeling in the prospective client catch of the day, luring them in with the quality bait my marketing team so laboriously concocted.

BUT...long before my days, I presume, his "desire to work" ship had sailed.

"Well, matey?" He thought to himself, as he bathed in my severance package, "I might as well move half way across the world...set up shop...tell the blokes back in the states that there's just as much money in events as there is in oil out here in Abu Dhabi...and I can just kick back and relax without anyone questioning! SHAM WOW! Buuuut...I don't much care for Abu Dhabi...that place is too nouveau riche. I need to be among the old money, among my Upper West side Jew...I mean Muslims. So...I'm going to live in Dubai. In a penthouse loft. An hour plus away from our pretend offices. Yeeeeaaaahhhhhh...thaaaaaat's the ticket!"

So...here we are. New York Jew in the Middle East. ...aaaaaand cue the theme music. I'm thinking Fiddler on the Roof getting coughed out of an Oud. (I'm sure J Lo has some cameo as well).

Prooooobably don't have to tell you how this ends, but, for sh*ts and giggles: late nights and weekends in the office for me. "Ah, shucks, maybe next time..." said CEO#1.

What a LOAD of SH*T!

Gay Cowboys Eating Pudding

OK. So...we should start from the top and trickle our way down the office hierarchy, but this one is just too good to save for later. As you'll find in most New York marketing/entertainment agencies, there is a dominant gay office population...NOT that there's anything wrong with that! I believe in my office of roughly 30 employees, 95% of the men in our office were gay...including one of the CEOs. (We'll get to him later). His life partner is quite the character, and continually the topic of conversation if ever a mood needs to be lifted, or a lull during a date occurs...

By day, this gentleman is a homosexual, Jewish, psychiatrist working out of his schmancy SoHo penthouse loft. By night, you ask?? Well, he moonlights as a heterosexual, big-woman loving, wallet-chain and boot scootin'-wearing, fake Tennessee accent-spittin', country music "sensation" (if you call 5 obese drunk women at the bumb f*ck county fair a fan club). Dude doesn't even know what/who HE is...wonder if his patients can clue him in.

Anywho, every pitch that calls for a music act, my CEO includes him in. Any time we have a red carpet event, my CEO wants him walking down front and center. O, yeah, and my CEO has sacrificed company money and time to go on pitches for his partner's country-themed cooking shows. (Get it all gooooooey) ...all with the same response: WHO???

Moral of the story? Find yourselves a sugar daddy...STAT! That way your pseudo music career can remain below luke warm at the expense of hard working employees' severance packages. YEEEHAAAA!

I SH*T YOU NOT!

"Working" From Home

Here we are, day 2 of funemployment, and what better way to cope than to introduce the world to the characters and events that so generously are saving me from laundry expenses, as yesterday's pajamas are now "appropriate attire." This is in no way meant to be a bitter rant...simply a non-fictional documentation of the most eclectic colleagues I have ever met in the past 3 years. Since Ricky Gervais introduced The Office, everyone tries to attest that his is more crazy than the next. Trust me. Mine is nutz. The characters: REAL. The stories: REAL. I sh*t you not!